Rebuilding My Future After Loss: Creating a Life That Would Make Her Proud
When you lose someone, especially a life partner, the future you’d imagined vanishes in an instant. All the shared plans, dreams, and quiet moments that filled the calendar ahead—gone.
That was the hardest thing to come to terms with after losing my wife, Lani. It wasn’t just the heartbreak of the present, it was facing a future I no longer recognised.
We were blessed. Last October, before she passed, Lani and I attended a 5-day retreat with Dr Joe Dispenza in Orlando.
That experience now means even more to me.
His teachings around the quantum field, visualisation, and meditation weren’t just concepts, they became tools. Anchors. A reminder that while grief is real, so is possibility.
The Future Doesn’t End with Loss
One of Dr Joe’s core teachings is the idea that you can tap into a version of the future that already exists in the quantum realm.
That by connecting emotionally to a vision of your life, not one grounded in the pain of the past, but in the joy of what could be—you begin to pull that reality closer.
At first, I struggled with that.
How could I possibly feel joy or gratitude when the one person I built my life around was no longer here?
But in time, I realised: this wasn't about pretending the pain didn’t exist.
It was about creating something strong, beautiful, and meaningful in honour of Lani, and for myself.
It became clear I now had an opportunity, however painful, to do something I hadn't done in years: put myself first.
Choosing Me (When I Had No Other Choice)
Let me be clear—if I could have Lani back, I would. In a heartbeat.
My vision of the future always had her in it. But that’s not the reality I’m living in.
So now, I focus on building a life she would be proud of.
A life where I am the priority.
My health, my growth, my mission. I’ve poured my energy into The Rebuild Lab, my training, my podcast, and daily habits that lift me.
I see this not as the life I chose, but the one I now have full responsibility for shaping.
This kind of shift requires intention. That’s where tools come in—tools that many before me have used.
Journaling, Visualising, Feeling
Jay Samit, in Disrupt Yourself, talks about journaling as a tool that all the greats use. Think and Grow Rich built an entire philosophy around vision, belief, and persistent focus.
Each morning, I journal. I write out my vision. I describe the life I want to create. Where I’ll live. Who I’ll serve. What kind of man I’m becoming. I write it in the present tense. I feel it as if it’s already happened.
That’s what Dr Joe taught us—to not wait for the future to give you a feeling, but to bring the feeling forward now.
Is it easy?
No.
Some mornings, it feels like a lie. But I do it anyway. Because every time I close my eyes and visualise my future, I get a glimpse of something greater.
A sense that I’m not just surviving—I’m building.
The Power of Emotional Energy
Emotions are magnetic.
The quantum field doesn’t respond to what we want, but to who we are.
And so every time I sit in meditation and feel the warmth of the future I’m creating—feel Lani’s pride, feel the sun in Austin or Miami, feel the energy of my coaching community.
I’m rewiring my body and brain to live from that future, not my past.
This isn’t spiritual bypassing. I still cry. I still grieve. But I also create.
This is the new chapter.
Not the one I wanted.
But the one I’m choosing.
Because to live in a way that honours Lani isn’t just to survive—it’s to rebuild. Stronger. Wiser. With heart.
If you're rebuilding too...
Try journaling each morning about the life you want.
Meditate and visualise it with emotion, not just logic.
Make yourself the focus—not selfishly, but fully.
Remember: strength isn’t pretending you’re not in pain. It’s choosing to move anyway.
If you’re new to Dr Joe Dispenza, I highly recommend any man—especially one navigating grief or transition—start with his audiobook Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself on Audible.
He breaks down what I used to dismiss as “woo woo” into clear, scientific terms. Everything he teaches is backed by research, data, and results. In fact, Dr Joe only teaches from a place rooted in neuroscience and physiology—nothing fluffy, just facts.
When I first listened to the book, I remember thinking: “Finally, a man’s explanation of what Lani has been trying to tell me for years.”
By the end of the audiobook, he walks you through one of his core meditations—and how to do it properly. It’s powerful. Simple. And if you’re serious about rebuilding, it’s a must.
